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A BoyCrush With A Big Dick and A Sense Of Humor

Tuesday, April 14th, 2015

Timeless XXX parodies that aren’t Bustin Beeber 1 or 2

If there is one thing I have found while working with BoyCrush material is that whether you’re into twinks or not… Their parodies are still highly entertaining. They are far more than a clear rip-off of a popular Hollywood film featuring nude, hairless, and sometimes ridiculously thin actors. They transcend cinema into a realm that contains films that John Waters would have made if he were a starved and over-sexed, teenage candy-raver. I am not criticizing, but rather complimenting. Plus, Most of these guys are well hung, super flexible, and seem like they know what they’re doing better than men five times their size. (Not that I don’t like watching a body builder fumble some balls). In this list, I hope to illuminate the magic that is a BoyCrush parody. To open your eyes to what you may have not even consider merely watching before. Check them out! You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll probably bust-a-nut or at least get a slight… funny bone-r? Haha, I tried.

Fucking Harry Palmer: starring Kyler Moss, Liam SummersNoah Carlisle, and Timo Garrett

He can use his power for good or evil, but mostly to get boys into bed…

One boy will do whatever he can . . . to get laid. This is the story of Harry Palmer, a boy with a flair for magic. He can use his powers for good or for evil, but mostly just to get boys into bed. When his arch-nemesis curses him over his summer break from school, it’s up to Harry to do whatever it takes and fuck whoever he has to fuck to reverse it.*

Captain Americock – The Twink Avenger: starring Austin RiedAnthony Evans, Robbie Anthony, Krys PerezDustin Fitch, and Kyler Moss.

Fighting for freedom with his big fat cock…

Steve is a broke, lazy, & unimpressive stoner. When rent is due, he participates in a medical experiment conducted by Dr. Franko that transforms him into the powerful and well endowed Captain Americock! Plunging him into a war where he must fight to save the world from Red Skullfuck & his minions. This parody lets you watch your favorite twink heroes fuck each other silly & definitely won’t leave you feeling blue. *Winner of the 2013 Grabby Award for Best Twink Movie of the Year!*

Gay Sex And The City: starring Corey Clark, Angel Kelly, Ryan Steele, Jackson Miller, Patrick Kennedy, Brice Summers, Devon Pryce, John Hyde, Jake Johnson, and Andy Kay

This queer is giving Carrie a run for her money… or lack there of.

In this sensual movie Corey decides to move back to Phoenix. With no plans and no money Corey calls on his local hookups and fuck buddies to find a place to stay. Along his horny journey he recalls some of his hottest fucks. After he fails to reconnect with his past tricks Corey ends up fondling new hot twinks… Whether it’s a sexy three-way with two strangers or finding deep penetration during an apartment tour, Corey is sure to please.*

Twink Blood: starring Miles Pride, Chase Harding, Patrick Kennedy, Phillip Ashton, Andy Kay, and Felix Russo 

Using a little teeth never felt so right…

Eighteen-Year-Old Miles has decided to move to Phoenix to start his first year of college. He settles in, adjusts to the burning heat and the frigid nights. He soon finds that more than just the cold penetrates the city when that sun goes down. Follow Miles as he risks everything to discover the truth behind the vampire attacks and the twist that turn his life upside down.*

Raw: starring Rad Matthews, Miles Pride, Andy Kay, Devon Pryce, Carson Diamond, Krist Cummings, Chris Matinson, Kevin Grey, Dillon Samuels, and Kyros Christian

You’re literally tearing up my heart when I’m with you…

Let the Games Begin . . . Miles is a sexy twink who likes to flirt. At work, at the club, and even online; he’ll strut his stuff like there’s no tomorrow. When he gets a little too close to a mysterious fetishist over the Internet, his life will never be the same. After a ferocious attack at his apartment, Miles finds himself chained to a bed frame and part a darkly-kinky bondage twink-film ever produced. Rad plays the slightly deranged captor and you’ll be on the edge of your seat as he shows Miles the business-end of his crops, toys, and huge cut dick. This isn’t Saw, this is Raw!*

Where The Wild Twinks Are: starring Alex Jordan, Benjamin Riley, Billy London, Collin Stone, J.R. Adams, Jason Valencia, and Jordan Thomas

Be careful what you yiff for…

Max is a young, blonde heart-throb whose sexually repressed home life causes some heavy tension with his step-dad. After running away, Max’s life gets flipped upside down when four adorable, furry creatures capture him & start the biggest fuck-fest of his life. From mountaintops to forest clearings, these boys pound each other’s asses bare; helping Max realize that everything he’s been looking for has been right in front of him the whole time. Taking place in gorgeous Sedona, AZ, Where the Wild Twinks Are is a one of a kind parody twink-porno that is as visually stunning as it is boner-inducing.*

A Nightmare On Twink Street: starring Dean Holland, Jordan Ashton, Nathan Stratus, Roxy Red, Ryan Connors, Patrick Kennedy, and Ashton Cody

One, two, Freddy’s cumming in you…

In the early 1900’s, a gay man named Freddy lived with his male lover near Elm Street in the American Southwest. After finding about this couple’s elopement, an unforgiving and radical community captured and tortured Freddy’s lover. Freddy was able to set him free, but was hung in the woods after being captured himself. Years after his death, the children and grandchildren of the townspeople experience terrifying nightmares. They involve a man who takes his sexually driven revenge out on his innocent and often virginal victims. Now, Dean along with his friends are being haunted by the ghost of Freddy in their dreams. When each one begins to experience intense sexual nightmares that continue to increase violently, Dean and his friends realize they must find a way to stop the psychopath’s reign of terror – OR never sleep safe again.*

Jasper Robinson’s Day Off: starring Jasper RobinsonAaron Stang, Robbie Anthony, Kyler Ash, Jordan Thomas, & Ryker Madison

 One boy’s fight for freedom and the perfect fuck…

Jasper Robinson wakes up with a hard dick and an itch to go out and make a mark on the city before the school year comes to an end. He gets out of school with a fake case of the flu, calls up his best friends and heads out on the town, encountering hot boys and letting them fuck his meaty ass silly. The plot thickens when Principal Ash goes after him to teach him a lesson. Stay tuned for a  STEAMY surprise and happy ending.*

Let’s face it, These twinks aren’t the best actors… porn stars aren’t the best actors. These boys are having a blast making a b-movie, while they also happen to be sucking, fucking, and getting paid to do it. Their youthful unjaded or dulled outlook shines through in their likely unrehearsed performances. It’s admirable. I will admit that twinks aren’t necessarily MY cup of long island iced tea. I tend to go for someone with a bit more experience; like experience growing hair and gaining body mass or gaining issues. Perhaps I haven’t met the right twink. Perhaps you have or have yet to. Well here’s your chance to acquire a taste, plus trying new things keeps one young… You know you cannot deny a pretty young thing. Twinks are timeless and will always be ready for you at

*Studio’s Notes

There’s more where that “came” from… follow @HairyBurgher

Inked Up And Shootin Loads… Just The Way I Like Em!

Friday, April 10th, 2015

The Alternadudes are always a turn on for me. They’re not overly worked out and practically leaking suppliments, they’re just some tattooed dudes you’d see in any city, and they’re always horny. So here is a review of “Ink And Jizz” a hot flick from Alternadudes.

Amongst the chicken wire storage units of what I am assuming is an apartment building B Nefarius (with his blonde curly locks) and kinky Rave are about to have a little tryst. Unbeknownst to these sexed up punks Thrasher has been watching from the corner, good thing he was putting in his laundry at just the right time. Rave and B start off with B performing some hot oral on Rave’s huge, dark, uncut, cock. The poor guy gags on that fucker while getting it all slobbery and slick. I see a lot guys naked every day, and you know what? It’s true. Skinny guys have HUGE dicks.

As Thrasher pumps his own tool in the shadows, B suggests a hot fuck session in one of the “dirty” cages. B is pretty tight according to Rave, but who wouldn’t be; the slim stud’s dick is the size of a fucking over ripe zucchini. He slams away at his partner’s hole simultaneously driving both B and Thrasher into a frenzy.

Rave’s certainly got stamina and knows how to fuck hard and fast. B is a bottom who can take a pounding too, I have to say there would be no way in hell Rave would put that thing in my asshole. Thrasher is super sexy with all of his ink, and I’m sorry he didn’t get more screen time. He did however bust a nice nut before slipping quickly upstairs. As Rave and B make out B strokes their cocks at the same time until he unloads his white heat all over Rave’s stunning pole. Best part, he sucks it off. Working a magic hand with some help of his mouth B extracts an eruption from Rave right into his filthy gullet. That was hot.

Next up is Alix. He’s kind of got a bad boy thing going on, he’s covered in tattoos, and he’s got a beard! Sitting down in a comfy office chair the boy strips down, teasing us with each layer; ok he was only wearing shorts, but he teased while taking them off and then beats off through his underwear. Finally Alix pulls out pretty organ revealing some nice smooth balls. He wanks away, sniffs and licks his pits, and shows off his split tongue. (I wonder what that feels like on a dick? I bet its great!) Alix has a great body as you’ll see from the nice camera angles. His fist picks up speed and we get to watch him make a mess of his smooth stomach. Bonus! Clean up which is pretty sensual if you ask me. He really worked it out.

Kitchen sex. Brandon and Stray Philadelphia are making out amongst the cookware in a romantic, emo kind of way. Soon the kissing turns to stripping, which in turn leads to blowjobs, and then turns to fucking. It’s nice to see more uncut younger guys in porn (not just the ones raised on the Czech porn star ranch). I wasn’t expecting Brandon to be doing the topping in this sequence, but I was surprised. The blonde gives Stray quite the rogering as the stainless steel prep tables clang in the background.

The pair do it doggy style standing although not as vigorously as B and Rave, and soon move to the floor. Good thing Brandon isn’t as hung as Rave, cause I do not think Stray could handle that! Brandon does have stamina, fucking away at at his buddy’s hole with abandon. Pulling out Brandon ejaculates onto Stray’s back, and to return the favor Stray shoots on Brandon’s stomach!

Jamie Rail is a slim, dark haired, evil eyed post punk hipster hybrid who looks like he might be a little bit dangerous. Judging by the outline of New Jersey tattooed on his arm he just might be… For all I know he could be from Trenton or, shudder, Camden both places where shit can get real -real fast. Either way, I might just risk my life and cross the bridge for this sexy boy if he lived there. Jaime works his cock for the camera, plays with his balls, and makes himself more comfortable. I wish we knew what he is watching. I suspect it might be straight porn. The camera man mentions how hot the situation is to which Jaime responds “You shouldn’t be looking.” The lyingdown/cross legged position is pretty sexy, and Jaime does have an interesting method of masturbating. I’m liking the sexy eye contact he makes with the camera too.  Uh oh, we’re losing battery! Jaime’s got this though and soon enough he milks out a juicy helping of man sauce I want in my mouth. Watching this Jersey Devil cream himself is sure to make your day.

This is a scene I plan on jerking off to while drinking a city wide (for those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s a PBR and shot of Heaven Hill for $3).

Up next Dustin and Sebastian Fischer make out on a bean bag chair before getting down and dirty. The pair share similar body types and plenty of ink. Both of these cock hungry boys waste no time when it comes to sucking each other’s cocks, but it’s Dustin who really wants to get his dick deeper. Notice the tattoo’s of The Queen Of Hearts (which at first I thought was Mimi from “The Drew Carey Show”) and the Cheshire cat on Sebastian’s butt cheeks, they’re pretty amazing. Dustin buries his dick deep into Sebastian who is obviously loving every minute of it, he even gets on top and rides that cock himself. Talk about a bottom. The two fuckers really get into this scene with Dustin stroking out a messy facial onto Sebastian who in turn busts a nut onto himself. Good job guys.

Cuddle fest’s only lead to one thing. Fucking. This next scene reminds me of my ex boyfriend and I when we attempted cuddling, 89.99% of the time it led to hard fucking. Rob Benson and Christop get into some serious over the underwear grinding that had me rock hard and ready before the blowjobs even started. Rob expertly works Christop’s perfect pole in a sopping wet display that’ll have your tip wet with pre cum in seconds. He literally uses his throat as a plunger attempting to release that cum clog deep within Christop’s balls. This scene has it all for any Alternadudes fan. This is sloppy, spit drenched, nastiness and I think I’m in love with both of these guys. A deep rimming prepares Christop’s hungry pucker for Rob’s stiff one. Attention to balls plays a major role in this scene, and it’s glorious. Another surprise! I thought it would be Christop getting pounded, instead it’s Rob who rides the his partners amazing cock. This deep dicking is insane! If I wasn’t at the office… Oh my god! It’s a flip fuck! Christop gets his fill from Rob all over the place. If you’re looking for hard fucking look no further. I’m not even going to describe these cum shots because they are fucking amazing and you have to see them for yourself.

One looming question, I wonder if Stray really is from Philadelphia?

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Catch ya later cum catchers

– The Otter

Bellboy, At Your Service…

Wednesday, April 1st, 2015

Eurocream Films’ “Bellboy, directed by Blacky Mendez, is a coming of age tale with a heavy dose of uncut English cock. Well written and filmed, this movie impresses and leaves your typical plot-driven porno in the dust. Many dick-flicks attempt what this film achieves. The story is surprisingly emotional without bringing you or your dick down. It has been crafted with thoughtful details and tasteful hardcore. With gorgeous twinks and a dash of muscle-boy, expect to be satisfied. Sit back, relax, and let the Bellboy be at your service.

We open with Kai Alexander and Kayden Gray making out and prepping for a top-secret tryst. I will explain, but let’s focus on the sex for a minute. Let me start by attempting to describe the near-perfection that is Kayden Gray; tall, pale, cocky, and handsome. He has a swimmers build; as in professional swimmer. One could spend an entire day tonguing  the ridges and valleys of this man’s body. Kayden also has a sizable, flawless, and hunger-inducing penis. Kai isn’t shabby either. He is twinky, adorable, and can take a dick like a champ. These two suck and fuck until Kai nuts on Kayden’s abs. Kayden then follows suit and busts on Kai’s eager ass. Kai ends the scene by suggesting that they have a threesome with Jake, Kayden’s boyfriend, which Kayden quickly dismisses. Jake (Jacob Daniels) returns home from work, having been fired, to discover the two dressing. The plot thickens.

After a sleepless night of thinking and planning, Jake sets out on his own. He is fed up with being cheated on and lied to. Jake is headed north to begin again and starts by becoming a bellboy for his step-brother. Upon his first day, Jake goes to do some housekeeping for a couple and finds himself in an unexpected threesome. The couple (Levi Stephans & Harley Jordan) coerce the vulnerable Jake into a hot and twinky ménage à trois. The three work each other’s dicks and Jake surely takes care of some pent up stress and negativity.

The three then go out to the local gay bar where Jake meets the cutie that is Jordan Jacobs. The two hit it off and kiss! Soon after, Jordan is seen kissing another guy and in the confusion of the drunken evening, they head home separately. Jordan heads home with his “friend” (Sky James) and Jake meanders home alone. This surely has left Mr. Daniels quite disappointed.

We then cut to what was made of Jordan’s evening, which was quite a look more than friendly. It seems that there are lots of benefits to being friends with Sky, like a nice deep-dicking. After blowing each other, Jordan bends over and receives Sky’s uncircumcised prick. Jordan’s heavy breathing is sexy as fuck. He comes onto his creamy skin and then is cum upon himself. Sky then say’s that he will miss Jordan, letting you know that the window of time for Jake to get to know him must be closing. Oh No!

Jake finally makes it back to the hotel. It is now morning and he is late for his shift. While doing some chores and housekeeping, he accidentally finds Robbie Turner wanking in the shower. Jake is briefly noticed, but then storms away, leaving us to enjoy the show. Robbie plays with his foreskin, ass, and nipples with his eyes closed for most of it. I am certain that this pretty boy has a lot to reminisce/fantasize about. He oozes his cum from beyond his foreskin, emerges from his ecstasy, and then begins to bathe again.

The tone is then changed when Jake receives a voicemail from his ex (Kayden). Kayden apologizes and once again says that nothing had happened with Kai. He also asks for Jake’s half of the rent. WTF. Jake ignores the message and at this point in the movie, you are cheering Jake on and want nothing but happiness for the poor chap. While walking down the boardwalk, Jakes stumbles up Jordan(cutie from the bar). They clear up any misunderstanding regarding the night they met and they kiss! The boys then go to Jordan’s place for a romp. The build up to this moment makes this scene super romantic. Jordan tops Jake; their intercourse is the stuff that twink-dreams are made of. A beautiful collision of bodies, minds, and hearts. It’s quite a sight to see, hear, and, I imagine, taste. Before there is any time to revel in the excitement of the moment, Jake notices a bus ticket on the nightstand. “I’ve been here way too long”, states Jordan. Tear.

 In the morning, Jake makes a call to his step-brother to thank him for his help and generosity. Then we see Jake approach a bus with Jordan waiting for him. OMG, I nearly cried. Haha. This film is spectacular. I can now say that I have seen a porno with good acting. Jacob Daniels has a very expressive face and his expressions read true. He should consider this to be a major achievement. The lesson to be learned from the film is to not give up on love. Also; don’t put up with bullshit, let the wind blow you where it shall, and always hope for the best. Life has its ups and downs. Over thinking things will only stunt your strides towards happiness. A distraction from the stresses of life can be quite healthy…Now go on and get hard at!

 There’s more where that “came” from… follow @HairyBurgher

Fire Finger Facial Fuck me please…

Friday, March 20th, 2015

If you’re not familiar with Michael Phoenixxx, you should be. In three words I would describe him as a Big Dicked Pig (9×5.5/oink) and I know that he would find that complimentary. Phoenixxx isn’t your typical porn star. His tattoos, piercings, scarification, implants, surgically split tongue, and fur are enough to make your toes curl, but that’s just the beginning. He is a vers-top and looks great in either position. Michael is the kinda guy that only stops fucking for a pizza break. Cue TLC’s Red Light Special, dim the lights, andFire Finger Facial Fuck” me please…

This sexy scene comes off as bad art-porn. That’s not to say that it is bad. It’s great. It blurs in and out, lending the film a sexy peep show vibe. The video effects are also a refreshing change from your usual transition visual. Phoenixx is the focus of a masked man’s attention. It’s kinda hot, kinda creepy… The dicks on these two are extraordinary. We first see Michael sucking a nice big cock and prepping it for entry. This dude definitely knows his way around a girthy prick. They take a break to share a masturbation sleave: It’s like docking for the circumcised and it’s quite a view. The masked man then teases Michael’s hole with his massive cock. After a slight butt-struggle, Michael decides to just sit on John Doe’s fat pole. The moans of pleasure are a sure sign that this bottom is enjoying himself, while giving his top a nice warm anal-grasp. Michael then gets on his back to be delivered a nice and slow deep-dicking.

We then transition to Michael with his legs over his head in preparation for a self feeding. He asks for the mystery man to beat off onto his face, which he does with great fury. The lad blasts onto and past Michael’s eager face, which certainly has one thinking, “Yes, Please”. Phoenixx then busts onto his already spunky beard. They then go to the bathroom to share a hot and salty stream of another sort.  Let me say that Michael Phoenixxx looks great covered in piss. You can quote me on that. My only complaint is that this scene isn’t longer, but that’s more reason to explore his other sleazy antics. Go, do it! This naughty boy just loves the attention and you can GIVE it to him at!

There’s more where that “came” from… follow @HairyBurgher 


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